Memo

To: Professor Moody
From: Steven Vroman
Date: 9/15/09
RE: Peer Review
The peer review helped me to realize that while my opening paragraph was structurally sound and gave descriptions of the characters involved in my story, however, I did so in way that was bland and did not get the reader interested in the story very well. A way to fix this problem would be to incorporate a small anecdote at the beginning of the story that can both introduce the characters and keep readers interested, perhaps have us all playing a game of football together and describe who is playing at what position, sort of like player stats. I also realized that my story seems to be told from the third person and not as a first person point of view, I need to incorporate dialogue to give the reader a sense of being within the story, as it is now I seem to be telling the story as an observer instead of a character. I also need to relate more to the reader, incorporate some situation that most people have experienced and have some sort of opinion on and express my own opinion, this can give the reader more insight into who I am as a person and how they would feel about me were they to meet me in real life and give them for of an emotional attachment to the story. My story also requires some more action in order to give the feeling that it is moving somewhere, there is no point in knowing who the characters are if they aren’t doing anything, instead of simply stating my character’s attributes I should probably place them in a situation that displays who they are through their actions and words. I also need a little more detail in describing where my story takes place, this will give the reader as to where the characters in the story are and what is going on. The peer review also helped me because I got to read another writer’s style and reflect upon how it is different from m own, this helped me to see how others might perceive my writing style and how I can approve upon it, this peer review will help me to fix flaws in my writing and improve my memoir as a whole.