Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
review citeria
In order to give my audience a well rounded perspective into why or why not my camera is right for them I need to establish a set of well defined criteria. The three main criteria are price, features and quality. My audience needs to know how much the camera costs and the price of camera's of the same price or with similar features so that they can decide if they are getting the right bang for their buck. The audience also needs to know about the features that the camera offers such as zoom, face detections, color filters, and other functions that make a camera useful for different styles of photography so that consumers can determine if this camera is right for the pictures they will be taking. The quality of the camera includes how well the camera is built, the quality of the lens, and the picture quality of the LCD screen. Consumers want to be sure that the camera they are purchasing is well built and sturdy so that they won't have to worry about it breaking if it accidentally gets bumped or dropped or if a rambunctious child gets a hold of it. Lens quality helps to determine how well defined and focused a picture is so comparing this to similar cameras can give insight into what can be expected from the camera. The LCD screen is also important because if the image is not sharp enough it is hard to determine whether a picture will look good or not once it is printed.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
audience analysis
The audience for my review is anyone looking to buy a new digital camera. They can be young or old, male or female, just anyone who is interested in buying a new camera. They will want to know about the quality of the camera. They need to know the resolution of the pictures and video it takes and how sturdily the camera is built. They will also want to know what features the camera comes with such as video, photo editing, style features, and many other features that come with many of today's digital cameras. This is important because many people are looking for a camera to serve a certain purpose and want to be sure that it has all of the features they need and that they're not spending money on features that they don't really want. Since the younger generation is more adept at using technology they probably wouldn't care much about user friendliness because they could probably figure out how to use the camera without ever reading the instruction manual. Older consumers on the other hand have a harder time adapting to the technologies that the younger generation has grown up with and want a camera that is easy and simple to use. Another factor that many consumers consider is the price of the camera, they want to know how much the camera costs, how much cameras with similar functions cost, and what feats a more expensive camera would have. This knowledge can allow them to make an informed decision on whether or not the camera is the right value for them or if they want to buy a camera with less features but costs less, or buy a camera with more features but costs more. Some consumers also worry about the quality of the lens and the amount of zoom that the camera is capable of. The lens is an extremely important aspect of a digital camera, even if a camera is capable of taking pictures in a certain clarity it can only be as detailed as the image it can gather through the lens, while this does not really matter to most people who do not need that much detail professional photographers need to know how clear of a picture they can get with a camera. The amount of zoom a camera has is also very important, since many people like to take pictures outdoors they need to have a camera that can take quality pictures up close as well as being capable of focusing on an object at a distance. It is also important to clarify the difference between optical and digital zoom, optical zoom is an adjustment of the lens to focus on an object more clearly and digital zoom is basically just focusing on a smaller portion of the picture and blowing it up. My audience needs all of this information in order to make an accurate, well informed decision on whether or not this camera is right for them.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
commentary
SGA Elections:
The Battle for the Misinformed Vote
As most students at UCF know the elections were recently held for the SGA senate. At first glance it seemed like a pretty good setup, all of the voting was done through the UCF website using student accounts to prevent fraudulent voting. I assumed that this meant that everyone would have the opportunity to vote at their own leisure once they felt they had received sufficient information to make a well thought out decision. Unfortunately, I was wrong. As soon as the elections had begun the campus was swarmed with tents representing the UNITE and Building A More Functional SGA (BAMF) parties. These two groups then set about hounding students to no end. On more than one occasion I was running late to class and had to stop to tell not one but two people that I simply did not have the time to vote at the moment, it didn’t make me late to class but it was an annoyance that I was glad to be rid of once the elections were over.
Once I actually found the time in my busy college schedule, I approached one of these tents with the hopes of learning what each party stood for. I was sadly disappointed when the representative gave me a two minute rehearsed speech about how his party would bring more funding to my college while working to fight increases in tuition and then handed me a list of all the candidates up for election. I then decided to check out the other party’s tent and was treated to hearing a nearly identical speech and a different list of names. Feeling that I had not received an adequate amount of knowledge to make a well informed decision I elected to do some more research on my own to see where each party stands. After finding each party’s facebook page I learned that there really isn’t that much difference between their platforms. Both parties support several key points such as organization funding, making UCF more environmentally friendly, a more lenient student conduct policy safe rides home from bars, and a more student friendly SGA.
Well since they agree on all of those issues what do they disagree on? There were only a few differences between the two parties’ platforms, the UNITE party also promised to improve parking, prepare students with flu vaccinations, improve parking ticket appeal process, and support the universal knights program. The BAMF party also supports more free printing, increased safety on campus, and bridging the gap between the Rosen college and the main campus. All in all the only points they don’t seem to agree on are probably just the ones the other party forgot about. There is however one big difference between the two parties, the BAMF party is newly formed this year and has no current senate member from its list of 37 candidates while the returning UNITE party hosts 26 incumbent members running for re-election out of its 49 candidates. Appropriately the BAMF members argue that they want to bring change to the SGA and UNITE members claim to have more experience and be more qualified for the position.
One major issue that I feel was not addressed well was the lack of information on individual candidates, they were all just names on a piece of party and apparently had the same point of view as everyone else in their party. The high number of candidate also eclipsed those running as independents, of the 107 students running 21 were not members of the UNITE or BAMF parties and I did not hear anything about them. I would prefer to know who I am voting for not what party they belong to, especially when the two main parties seem to be so close to one another.
I also saw that several of the party run voting tents were also giving away pizza and cookies claiming it as an incentive to get people to vote in the elections not for their particular party. The only problem is that it is difficult to take a piece of pizza or a cookie from someone and then vote against them, so I believe that more than a few people voted based on which party had the better snacks.
In the end I decided to vote for the UNITE party because they have been involved in the running of campus already and I like UCF a lot the way it is right now and if they do what they have promised it will only improve UCF. But I just can’t shake this feeling that is I would have just randomly clicked on any name it really wouldn’t have made a difference. If all the members of both parties truly believe everything that the party claims then there truly is no difference between any of them and its just like picking names out of a hat. While I may have done research to determine who to vote for many students didn’t, they only voted to get the party member to leave them alone or get a free slice of pizza. This means that a large number of the voters didn’t know who they were voting for, I don’t know about you but I trust the votes of 100 well informed voters than the votes 1000 people just doing it to get it out of the way. Perhaps the next time the SGA elections come around all of the voting can be done at the student union with one voting center run by an impartial third party. This would allow for members of the UNITE and BAMF parties as well as third party candidates to express their platforms to the voters without pressuring them to vote for their respective party at a party-run voting center.
The Battle for the Misinformed Vote
As most students at UCF know the elections were recently held for the SGA senate. At first glance it seemed like a pretty good setup, all of the voting was done through the UCF website using student accounts to prevent fraudulent voting. I assumed that this meant that everyone would have the opportunity to vote at their own leisure once they felt they had received sufficient information to make a well thought out decision. Unfortunately, I was wrong. As soon as the elections had begun the campus was swarmed with tents representing the UNITE and Building A More Functional SGA (BAMF) parties. These two groups then set about hounding students to no end. On more than one occasion I was running late to class and had to stop to tell not one but two people that I simply did not have the time to vote at the moment, it didn’t make me late to class but it was an annoyance that I was glad to be rid of once the elections were over.
Once I actually found the time in my busy college schedule, I approached one of these tents with the hopes of learning what each party stood for. I was sadly disappointed when the representative gave me a two minute rehearsed speech about how his party would bring more funding to my college while working to fight increases in tuition and then handed me a list of all the candidates up for election. I then decided to check out the other party’s tent and was treated to hearing a nearly identical speech and a different list of names. Feeling that I had not received an adequate amount of knowledge to make a well informed decision I elected to do some more research on my own to see where each party stands. After finding each party’s facebook page I learned that there really isn’t that much difference between their platforms. Both parties support several key points such as organization funding, making UCF more environmentally friendly, a more lenient student conduct policy safe rides home from bars, and a more student friendly SGA.
Well since they agree on all of those issues what do they disagree on? There were only a few differences between the two parties’ platforms, the UNITE party also promised to improve parking, prepare students with flu vaccinations, improve parking ticket appeal process, and support the universal knights program. The BAMF party also supports more free printing, increased safety on campus, and bridging the gap between the Rosen college and the main campus. All in all the only points they don’t seem to agree on are probably just the ones the other party forgot about. There is however one big difference between the two parties, the BAMF party is newly formed this year and has no current senate member from its list of 37 candidates while the returning UNITE party hosts 26 incumbent members running for re-election out of its 49 candidates. Appropriately the BAMF members argue that they want to bring change to the SGA and UNITE members claim to have more experience and be more qualified for the position.
One major issue that I feel was not addressed well was the lack of information on individual candidates, they were all just names on a piece of party and apparently had the same point of view as everyone else in their party. The high number of candidate also eclipsed those running as independents, of the 107 students running 21 were not members of the UNITE or BAMF parties and I did not hear anything about them. I would prefer to know who I am voting for not what party they belong to, especially when the two main parties seem to be so close to one another.
I also saw that several of the party run voting tents were also giving away pizza and cookies claiming it as an incentive to get people to vote in the elections not for their particular party. The only problem is that it is difficult to take a piece of pizza or a cookie from someone and then vote against them, so I believe that more than a few people voted based on which party had the better snacks.
In the end I decided to vote for the UNITE party because they have been involved in the running of campus already and I like UCF a lot the way it is right now and if they do what they have promised it will only improve UCF. But I just can’t shake this feeling that is I would have just randomly clicked on any name it really wouldn’t have made a difference. If all the members of both parties truly believe everything that the party claims then there truly is no difference between any of them and its just like picking names out of a hat. While I may have done research to determine who to vote for many students didn’t, they only voted to get the party member to leave them alone or get a free slice of pizza. This means that a large number of the voters didn’t know who they were voting for, I don’t know about you but I trust the votes of 100 well informed voters than the votes 1000 people just doing it to get it out of the way. Perhaps the next time the SGA elections come around all of the voting can be done at the student union with one voting center run by an impartial third party. This would allow for members of the UNITE and BAMF parties as well as third party candidates to express their platforms to the voters without pressuring them to vote for their respective party at a party-run voting center.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
commentary first draft
Everyone knows that voting is important, it allows people to voice their opinions and play an active role in the political system. When most people think of voting they think of standing in line some Tuesday in November and putting their ballot in the box. Voting for the SGA elections at UCF is entirely different, all of the voting is done through the UCF website and voting goes on for an entire week. One would assume that they could vote at their leisure in the comfort of their apartment or computer lab, but one would be wrong. For the whole week of elections there is not a single building that can be accessed without having to either inform the representatives that you have already voted or that you simply do not have time right now. When you actual do have the time to vote the information you are given about those up for elections is very scarce, everyone will work to bring more money to your department for funding and scholarships and fight increases in tuition costs. How they plan to do this it is unclear, but that’s the information you get along with a list of party members running for office.
It seems that the strategy for gaining votes has devolved from giving students well organized information about individual platforms to telling everyone what they want to hear. While each party promises that they will bring more money to each department and fight increases in tuition they are not very clear on how they intend to accomplish this. Somehow everyone will receive more support in their college and yet no one will have to pay more money. I don’t think that the party representatives give college students enough credit, if we are smart enough to get into to college we are certainly smart enough to figure out that the money has to come from somewhere.
There also only seem to be two real parties running for SGA election, the UNITE ticket which has 26 incumbent members and the newly formed Building a More Functional SGA (BAMF) ticket. These two parties have a total of 86 candidates (49 UNITE and 37 BAMF) out of the 107 running for senate. These two parties totally eclipse the other candidates running for election with tents set up throughout campus it is hard for the little man to be heard. Even with these two parties fighting for votes the only real way to tell the difference between them is the color of the shirts they wear, the UNITE party wears yellow and black which bears a striking resemblance to UCF’s black and gold colors, this is most likely an attempt to gain vote through school pride, telling voters to go with experience due to their high number of incumbents. The BAMF party on the other hand wears purple and voices change and reform to the SGA. The problem is most voters don’t know what experience they are going with or what they are reforming because no one really tells us, what was the SGA like last year? Who was a member? What did they vote on? How did they vote? These are all questions that would help voters to come to a well informed decision but the answers simply are not being given. Even some party representatives will admit that many students that are voting are simply doing so to get it over with, not to elect members they show support for.
The people running the voting tents have even started giving out food to encourage people to participate in the voting process, and while the voting system is setup so that voters can voter for anyone the choose it is hard not to side with the person that just gave you a slice of pizza or a donut. While these voting tents have increased voter turnout significantly it has also drastically increased the number of uninformed voters, if you ask me I would prefer ten well informed people casting their votes to a hundred people voting based on what t-shirt someone is wearing, or the snacks they got from the tent.
It seems that the strategy for gaining votes has devolved from giving students well organized information about individual platforms to telling everyone what they want to hear. While each party promises that they will bring more money to each department and fight increases in tuition they are not very clear on how they intend to accomplish this. Somehow everyone will receive more support in their college and yet no one will have to pay more money. I don’t think that the party representatives give college students enough credit, if we are smart enough to get into to college we are certainly smart enough to figure out that the money has to come from somewhere.
There also only seem to be two real parties running for SGA election, the UNITE ticket which has 26 incumbent members and the newly formed Building a More Functional SGA (BAMF) ticket. These two parties have a total of 86 candidates (49 UNITE and 37 BAMF) out of the 107 running for senate. These two parties totally eclipse the other candidates running for election with tents set up throughout campus it is hard for the little man to be heard. Even with these two parties fighting for votes the only real way to tell the difference between them is the color of the shirts they wear, the UNITE party wears yellow and black which bears a striking resemblance to UCF’s black and gold colors, this is most likely an attempt to gain vote through school pride, telling voters to go with experience due to their high number of incumbents. The BAMF party on the other hand wears purple and voices change and reform to the SGA. The problem is most voters don’t know what experience they are going with or what they are reforming because no one really tells us, what was the SGA like last year? Who was a member? What did they vote on? How did they vote? These are all questions that would help voters to come to a well informed decision but the answers simply are not being given. Even some party representatives will admit that many students that are voting are simply doing so to get it over with, not to elect members they show support for.
The people running the voting tents have even started giving out food to encourage people to participate in the voting process, and while the voting system is setup so that voters can voter for anyone the choose it is hard not to side with the person that just gave you a slice of pizza or a donut. While these voting tents have increased voter turnout significantly it has also drastically increased the number of uninformed voters, if you ask me I would prefer ten well informed people casting their votes to a hundred people voting based on what t-shirt someone is wearing, or the snacks they got from the tent.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Everyone knows that voting is important, it allows people to voice their opinions and play an active role in the political system. When most people think of voting they think of standing in line some Tuesday in November and putting their ballot in the box. Voting for the SGA elections at UCF is entirely different, all of the voting is done through the UCF website and voting goes on for an entire week. One would assume that they could vote at their leisure in the comfort of their apartment or computer lab, but one would be wrong. For the whole week of elections there is not a single building that can be accessed without having to either inform the representatives that you have already voted or that you simply do not have time right now. When you actually do have the time to vote the information you are given about those up for elections is very scarce, everyone will work to bring more money to your department for funding and scholarships and fight increases in tuition costs. How they plan to do this it is unclear, but that’s the information you get along with a list of party member running for office.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Dear friend,
As I told you before I’m starting to become very annoyed by the groups asking me to vote every time I walk by one of their tents. I already voted but I still have to stop and take the time to inform not one but two people who “just want a second of my time”. I was talking to another student today about the situation and seemed to have a similar perspective on the matter, he says he gets stopped at least three to four times a day and sometimes it can be very inconvenient, especially if he is running late to a class. He is in a different college area than I am but when I asked him what the different parties had promised him if their members were elected he said they promised the same thing they had promised to me, to bring more money to his department for classes and scholarships. How can they promise to bring more money to everyone when the school is in the middle of a huge budget crisis? I also asked him if he actually knew the names of anyone running in the election, I wasn’t very surprised to learn that like me he knew the name of the parties, UNITE and BAMF, he didn’t know the name of any actual candidates. It seems that both parties just slap their name on a group of candidates and clam that they all think in the same way as what they claim. This makes the voting process very blind with the majority of the students just doing straight ticket voting based on who gave the best spiel. When I asked him who he voted for and why I was relieved to hear he voted for the UNITE party because he felt their viewpoints matched his best, this was a relief because I have witnessed several people vote for one party simply because they had pizza or cookies. The party members claim that this is simply an incentive to get people to vote and not an attempt to buy votes from students, but I have to admit I was tempted to vote for the opposite party than I did simply because they had pizza and it looked pretty good. There is however a good side to all of this, it actually does get people to vote. I for one didn’t even know that UCF was having SGA elections until I was approached by one of the members on the way to class. With all the tents set up with laptops for people to vote, it only takes a few minutes per person and the percentage of people who voted is probably pretty high. If the national elections were this convenient I imagine that a lot more people would vote. I think the elections are over soon though and then we won’t have to worry about all those people bothering us.
Sincerely,
Steven Vroman
As I told you before I’m starting to become very annoyed by the groups asking me to vote every time I walk by one of their tents. I already voted but I still have to stop and take the time to inform not one but two people who “just want a second of my time”. I was talking to another student today about the situation and seemed to have a similar perspective on the matter, he says he gets stopped at least three to four times a day and sometimes it can be very inconvenient, especially if he is running late to a class. He is in a different college area than I am but when I asked him what the different parties had promised him if their members were elected he said they promised the same thing they had promised to me, to bring more money to his department for classes and scholarships. How can they promise to bring more money to everyone when the school is in the middle of a huge budget crisis? I also asked him if he actually knew the names of anyone running in the election, I wasn’t very surprised to learn that like me he knew the name of the parties, UNITE and BAMF, he didn’t know the name of any actual candidates. It seems that both parties just slap their name on a group of candidates and clam that they all think in the same way as what they claim. This makes the voting process very blind with the majority of the students just doing straight ticket voting based on who gave the best spiel. When I asked him who he voted for and why I was relieved to hear he voted for the UNITE party because he felt their viewpoints matched his best, this was a relief because I have witnessed several people vote for one party simply because they had pizza or cookies. The party members claim that this is simply an incentive to get people to vote and not an attempt to buy votes from students, but I have to admit I was tempted to vote for the opposite party than I did simply because they had pizza and it looked pretty good. There is however a good side to all of this, it actually does get people to vote. I for one didn’t even know that UCF was having SGA elections until I was approached by one of the members on the way to class. With all the tents set up with laptops for people to vote, it only takes a few minutes per person and the percentage of people who voted is probably pretty high. If the national elections were this convenient I imagine that a lot more people would vote. I think the elections are over soon though and then we won’t have to worry about all those people bothering us.
Sincerely,
Steven Vroman
Hypocrisy Bowl
Lindsey Pratt
Chris Collins
Steven Vroman
1. What people in the media say as opposed to what they actually do.
2. Yes, it sets the scene really well describing the brutality of a football game and the vulgarity of the advertisements, which are seen as normal but one small incident at a halftime show launches a huge controversy and shows just how hypocritical the media and viewing public are.
3. Yes, the author emphasizes the contrast between the incident with Janet Jackson which was focused on so intensely while similar events in the media are ignored because they are seen as normal.
4. The author explains how sex has become a huge part of the media and advertising especially for women in the music industry who are forced to dress scantily and act promiscuous but are then criticized for doing so.
5. The author mention many instances where sex has been an issue of controversy and the Janet Jackson incident is told from a spectators perspective.
6. The authors stance is very critical of the media’s hypocrisy towards sex, condoning it when it makes money and condemning it when it makes them look bad.
7. The author views the situation as changing for the better because now networks are more careful about the content they air and FCC regulations are becoming more stringent due to the incident.
Lindsey Pratt
Chris Collins
Steven Vroman
1. What people in the media say as opposed to what they actually do.
2. Yes, it sets the scene really well describing the brutality of a football game and the vulgarity of the advertisements, which are seen as normal but one small incident at a halftime show launches a huge controversy and shows just how hypocritical the media and viewing public are.
3. Yes, the author emphasizes the contrast between the incident with Janet Jackson which was focused on so intensely while similar events in the media are ignored because they are seen as normal.
4. The author explains how sex has become a huge part of the media and advertising especially for women in the music industry who are forced to dress scantily and act promiscuous but are then criticized for doing so.
5. The author mention many instances where sex has been an issue of controversy and the Janet Jackson incident is told from a spectators perspective.
6. The authors stance is very critical of the media’s hypocrisy towards sex, condoning it when it makes money and condemning it when it makes them look bad.
7. The author views the situation as changing for the better because now networks are more careful about the content they air and FCC regulations are becoming more stringent due to the incident.
1. 3-4 times a day
2. Say they will make his department better
3. Doesn‘t really know, just knows the party
4. Voted for unite party
5.Made good points, seemed like they knew what they were doing.
1. Firsthand experience
2. Voter
3. Connections to regular elections
4. Would probably still vote but think about it more
5. SGA runs a lot of stuff at UCF
2. Say they will make his department better
3. Doesn‘t really know, just knows the party
4. Voted for unite party
5.Made good points, seemed like they knew what they were doing.
1. Firsthand experience
2. Voter
3. Connections to regular elections
4. Would probably still vote but think about it more
5. SGA runs a lot of stuff at UCF
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
There are several kiosks set up all throughout campus by members of both the unite and bamf parties for the SGA elections. Members of both will most likely walk up to you and try to convince you to vote for their party, this can be quite aggravating if you are running late to class and you have to stop to tell two different people that you have either already voted or you don’t have time. They also do not go into great detail about who their candidates are or what they stand for, they just hand you a sheet with a list of name on it and promise that they will bring more money to your particular major. The only true difference I have noticed between the two groups so far is that the unite party has more current members, their pitch is to tell us to go with experience and vote for the unite party while bamf party tries to convince us to vote for change. However these kiosks do promote a larger participation in the voting process by the student body, if it weren’t for all these activists telling me about the elections I most likely wouldn’t have voted at all even though I really didn’t know who I was voting for. Truly it’s a lot like the United States election process, two groups telling you how different they are from one another and when all is said and done it’s hard to tell who is who based on their decisions.
Topic 1:
SGA elections: several kiosks set up for voting run by two major parties, unite and bamf.
Pros: easy access to voting as well as info on both parties’ running platforms.
Cons: parties only give out lists of who is running in what section, don’t really give you an idea of who you are voting for. Both parties have almost identical platforms, only difference is one party has more current members than the other so one party says go with experience the other says go with change. Any third party or independent candidates don’t really have a chance.
Topic 2:
Tents in front of student union: various clubs and organizations set up tents in front of the student union.
Pros: makes it very easy to learn more about various clubs you might be interested in and what they are about. Good way to kill time between classes.
Cons: can become heckling at times when you just want to cut through the student union or get lunch.
Topic 3:
Tables for eating lunch: usually a shortage of tables to eat at in the student union.
Pros: none
Cons makes it hard to find a place to eat lunch.
SGA elections: several kiosks set up for voting run by two major parties, unite and bamf.
Pros: easy access to voting as well as info on both parties’ running platforms.
Cons: parties only give out lists of who is running in what section, don’t really give you an idea of who you are voting for. Both parties have almost identical platforms, only difference is one party has more current members than the other so one party says go with experience the other says go with change. Any third party or independent candidates don’t really have a chance.
Topic 2:
Tents in front of student union: various clubs and organizations set up tents in front of the student union.
Pros: makes it very easy to learn more about various clubs you might be interested in and what they are about. Good way to kill time between classes.
Cons: can become heckling at times when you just want to cut through the student union or get lunch.
Topic 3:
Tables for eating lunch: usually a shortage of tables to eat at in the student union.
Pros: none
Cons makes it hard to find a place to eat lunch.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Memoir Story Final Draft
I can still remember to ragtag group of kids I belonged to when I was younger, we were so different and yet we were such great friends, most of us have gone our separate ways now, but the experiences we shared are still vivid in my mind, whether it was picking on our sisters, playing football, riding our bikes, or exploring the woods, we always semmed to be together and having fun.
“Alright the teams are going to be Steven and Tyler versus CJ and Timmy and I’ll be the all time QB,” Michael said in his usual authoritative tone. “But I wanna be on Tyler’s team, why do I always get stuck with Timmy?“ complained CJ. “Because you and Tyler are a lot faster and it wouldn’t be any fun,“ Michael explained, “now quit complaining, do you want laces or spaces?“ “Fine I guess I’ll take laces,“ CJ replied. With that Michael spun the ball as he tossed into the air, our version of a coin flip because we usually didn’t have a coin. After a few bounces and rolls the ball settled with the laces down, Tyler and me won the toss and elected to receive the ball first, since we didn’t have a halftime there was no point to kick the ball off at the beginning of the game.
Instead of kick the quarterback just threw the ball to the receiving team because we could throw the ball better than we could kick it. Michael threw the ball to me because I was slower and would be easier to catch but Tyler and me had already figured out how to beat this method. I lateraled the ball back to Tyler who followed behind me until I blocked the first defender to make it to us, and then he would take off down the field, our strategy worked and Tyler made it to midfield before getting tackled. Michael took his position at quarterback and me and Tyler lined up as receivers, “DOWN, SET, BLUE 42, BLUE 42, SET, HIKE!” Michael chanted, we had no idea what it meant but we had picked it up from some movie somewhere and it was how we began every play. Tyler and me went out for a pass, Tyler got a good jump on CJ and Michael threw him a pass for a touchdown in the end zone, a good start to the game.
The rest of the game went back and forth with most of the passes going to Tyler and CJ but Timmy and me would get make the occasional play and even touchdown every once awhile. Finally it was getting late and the score was tied so we decided that the next team to score would win. My team had the ball and it was fourth down, Michael called us all into a huddle “Alright, Tyler, you run about ten yards and do a slant to the end zone, and Steven, you run to the front of the end zone and then hook back in, you can probably run through Timmy for the last few yards if I throw it to you,” Michaels play calls were accompanied by intricate drawings in the dirt. Michael called hike and me and Tyler were off, CJ picked up on Tyler and had him covered all the way to the goal line, Timmy however thought I would go straight for the end zone and was caught off guard by my hook, Michael zipped the ball into me, I caught the pass and quickly turned around to run for the end zone, Timmy tried to tackle me but couldn’t get a grip and I shook him loose and scored the winning touchdown. Being that I usually had trouble even catching a pass I was elated to have won the game, CJ however was not in such a good mood over the outcome. “Timmy, you suck so much!” he screamed, “he wasn’t even in the end zone when he caught it, how could you not stop him!?” “It wasn’t my fault,“ Timmy argued, “you guys always blame, no matter what happens and I’m tired of it, I’m going home!” and with them Timmy stormed off back to his house. “Don’t worry about him CJ, he’ll be back tomorrow, we’re meeting at my house before we go out to the woods tomorrow,” said Michael. “Okay see you guys then” CJ replied. We all returned to our own homes for dinner and made sure to get plenty of sleep for our busy day ahead.
The next day we all met up at Michael’s and my house before our trip to the woods, our parents never really minded kids over at the house and were known as the “cool” parents because they were the least likely to say no to a sleepover or something like that so we more time was spent at our house than anyone else’s. “Hey guys we can’t stop at my house like usual, my mom said that if she catches us taking snacks again she’ll ground me.” CJ informed us. “Like you wouldn’t get grounded anyway, I swear you’re grounded more than you aren’t,” I said. “but don’t worry we get our snacks here today, my mom just went shopping.” We gathered a backpack full of Sunny D’s and fruit rollups and began to make our way to the woods, it was about fifteen or twenty acres that hadn’t been developed yet, a hard find in Florida. Just on the border of the highway was our tree fort, I’m not sure exactly how it came to be but a large oak tree was growing out of a crater of clay, it provided us with a cool shady place to rest and we couldn’t be seen from anywhere around.
“Okay so what are we doing today?” I asked. I was given the usual responses, hide and seek, fight with sticks, etc., but no one could agree on what to do. Then Tyler came up with an idea, “I know! We can see if we can make it all the way to the lake again!” “Yeah! We have done that in awhile.” I agreed. Everyone else was onboard too and so we made our way into the woods, Michael was in the lead of course with the rest of following behind. “Did I ever tell you guys about the time the crazy guy who owns these chassed me with a shotgun?” Michael said, trying to get a conversation going as tromped along our way. “Yeah, and we didn’t believe you then either .” “It’s true,” he retaliated “You can ask Greg he was there.”
“Whose Greg?” Tyler asked. “Oh, you don’t know him, he goes to a different school than we do.” “Oh imagine that,” I said sarcastically.” The only person that was with you is someone we’ve never heard. It’s like dad always says if your lips are moving you’re lying.”
Just then we came about a large obstacle in our path, a huge mass of vines about four feet tall and very wide. “Great how are we going to get around that?” Timmy grumbled. “It’s not that hard, we just have to crawl on our stomachs underneath. I’ll go first and you guys follow where I go.” Michael ordered. It was slow going, first Michael had to find the best way through and then we had to follow single file behind. There really wasn’t enough room and we were all getting cuts and scratches from the thorns that really stung, it probably would have been easier to go around, but it made us feel like soldiers crawling under barbed wire which made it fun. Eventually we made it to the other side and were on our way again, just that much closer to our destination.
We were making good time, there was an expanse of pine trees that grew in the forest and did provide much opposition to our trip. The dead pine trees were a lot of fun too because we could just kick them and they we fall over which made us feel like martial arts experts, it may have slowed us down but we didn’t care. Then we came upon a puddle about six feet wide with a log laying across it. “I dare you to walk across Steven” said Michael. Not being one to back down from a dare I carefully climbed onto the log and made my way across, it looked much hard than it was and I made it with ease. Not wanting to be shown up the rest of the gang was quick to follow and show that I wasn’t the only who could cross a log. Only slightly delayed we continued on our way.
We could tell we were getting close to the lake because the ground started to become soggy and we were sinking in as we walked, Timmy was having a difficult time maneuvering through it. “Timmy come on you’re slowing us down.” CJ called backed. “I can’t help it, my feet keep sinking in and I get stuck” he cried back. “Don’t put weight onto your foot until you’re sure the ground will support you, and make sure your shoe doesn’t come off or it’ll be full of mud for the rest of the day.” Tyler instructed him. With Tyler guiding Timmy we made I through the mud to where the cypress trees grew, the roots spread out and made the ground more supportive and we could walk more easily.
The water was coming into sight and I was looking for to relaxing and skipping some stones before heading back to the fort. “Everyone stop.” Michael called out. “What is it?” I asked. “ We’re almost there.” “There, laying on the shore, is that an alligator?” he replied. “ I can’t tell, it’s too far away to make out” I replied. We cautiously crept closer to what lay on the shore, we had all heard about how alligators can run really fast on land and we didn’t want to see if it was true. Once we got about ten yards away there was no doubt about it, it was an alligator and a big one, about ten or twelve feet long.. “What do we do?” I whispered. “That thing could eat us!” “Just calm down” Michael replied “It hasn’t seen us yet so we can just back away and it won’t even know we were here.” Slowly we began to make our way back the way we came, but someone was paying too much attention to the alligator and not where they were walking and stepped on a stick. In an instant the gator whirled around with its mouth open to face the noise. “RUN!!!” I’m not sure who yelled it but all of us listened. I don’t think I’ve ever run as fast as I did that day, we went so fast our feet didn’t even have time to sink in the mud. We ran by the puddle and the pine trees, too scared to even look back to see if we were being chased. I don’t even know how, but we got through the vines without even lying down, we made it back to the fort in five minutes flat when took us about forty-five minutes to make it there.
After we were done panting and catching our breath we were overcome by uncontrollable laughter. “HAHAHA, oh my god Steven, the look on you face was so funny!” Michael said. “I thought your eyes were going to pop out of your head!” “Oh yeah,” I replied. “Weren’t you the one screaming RUN! At the top of your lungs?” “That wasn’t me that wasn’t me, that was Timmy.” “Nuh-uh it wasn’t me” Timmy argued back. “Hey we were all running” Tyler said. “I don’t think any of us have any room to talk.” We all were overcome with laughter yet again, even though we had been running for our lives less than five minutes ago we couldn’t remember the last time we had so much fun.
“Alright the teams are going to be Steven and Tyler versus CJ and Timmy and I’ll be the all time QB,” Michael said in his usual authoritative tone. “But I wanna be on Tyler’s team, why do I always get stuck with Timmy?“ complained CJ. “Because you and Tyler are a lot faster and it wouldn’t be any fun,“ Michael explained, “now quit complaining, do you want laces or spaces?“ “Fine I guess I’ll take laces,“ CJ replied. With that Michael spun the ball as he tossed into the air, our version of a coin flip because we usually didn’t have a coin. After a few bounces and rolls the ball settled with the laces down, Tyler and me won the toss and elected to receive the ball first, since we didn’t have a halftime there was no point to kick the ball off at the beginning of the game.
Instead of kick the quarterback just threw the ball to the receiving team because we could throw the ball better than we could kick it. Michael threw the ball to me because I was slower and would be easier to catch but Tyler and me had already figured out how to beat this method. I lateraled the ball back to Tyler who followed behind me until I blocked the first defender to make it to us, and then he would take off down the field, our strategy worked and Tyler made it to midfield before getting tackled. Michael took his position at quarterback and me and Tyler lined up as receivers, “DOWN, SET, BLUE 42, BLUE 42, SET, HIKE!” Michael chanted, we had no idea what it meant but we had picked it up from some movie somewhere and it was how we began every play. Tyler and me went out for a pass, Tyler got a good jump on CJ and Michael threw him a pass for a touchdown in the end zone, a good start to the game.
The rest of the game went back and forth with most of the passes going to Tyler and CJ but Timmy and me would get make the occasional play and even touchdown every once awhile. Finally it was getting late and the score was tied so we decided that the next team to score would win. My team had the ball and it was fourth down, Michael called us all into a huddle “Alright, Tyler, you run about ten yards and do a slant to the end zone, and Steven, you run to the front of the end zone and then hook back in, you can probably run through Timmy for the last few yards if I throw it to you,” Michaels play calls were accompanied by intricate drawings in the dirt. Michael called hike and me and Tyler were off, CJ picked up on Tyler and had him covered all the way to the goal line, Timmy however thought I would go straight for the end zone and was caught off guard by my hook, Michael zipped the ball into me, I caught the pass and quickly turned around to run for the end zone, Timmy tried to tackle me but couldn’t get a grip and I shook him loose and scored the winning touchdown. Being that I usually had trouble even catching a pass I was elated to have won the game, CJ however was not in such a good mood over the outcome. “Timmy, you suck so much!” he screamed, “he wasn’t even in the end zone when he caught it, how could you not stop him!?” “It wasn’t my fault,“ Timmy argued, “you guys always blame, no matter what happens and I’m tired of it, I’m going home!” and with them Timmy stormed off back to his house. “Don’t worry about him CJ, he’ll be back tomorrow, we’re meeting at my house before we go out to the woods tomorrow,” said Michael. “Okay see you guys then” CJ replied. We all returned to our own homes for dinner and made sure to get plenty of sleep for our busy day ahead.
The next day we all met up at Michael’s and my house before our trip to the woods, our parents never really minded kids over at the house and were known as the “cool” parents because they were the least likely to say no to a sleepover or something like that so we more time was spent at our house than anyone else’s. “Hey guys we can’t stop at my house like usual, my mom said that if she catches us taking snacks again she’ll ground me.” CJ informed us. “Like you wouldn’t get grounded anyway, I swear you’re grounded more than you aren’t,” I said. “but don’t worry we get our snacks here today, my mom just went shopping.” We gathered a backpack full of Sunny D’s and fruit rollups and began to make our way to the woods, it was about fifteen or twenty acres that hadn’t been developed yet, a hard find in Florida. Just on the border of the highway was our tree fort, I’m not sure exactly how it came to be but a large oak tree was growing out of a crater of clay, it provided us with a cool shady place to rest and we couldn’t be seen from anywhere around.
“Okay so what are we doing today?” I asked. I was given the usual responses, hide and seek, fight with sticks, etc., but no one could agree on what to do. Then Tyler came up with an idea, “I know! We can see if we can make it all the way to the lake again!” “Yeah! We have done that in awhile.” I agreed. Everyone else was onboard too and so we made our way into the woods, Michael was in the lead of course with the rest of following behind. “Did I ever tell you guys about the time the crazy guy who owns these chassed me with a shotgun?” Michael said, trying to get a conversation going as tromped along our way. “Yeah, and we didn’t believe you then either .” “It’s true,” he retaliated “You can ask Greg he was there.”
“Whose Greg?” Tyler asked. “Oh, you don’t know him, he goes to a different school than we do.” “Oh imagine that,” I said sarcastically.” The only person that was with you is someone we’ve never heard. It’s like dad always says if your lips are moving you’re lying.”
Just then we came about a large obstacle in our path, a huge mass of vines about four feet tall and very wide. “Great how are we going to get around that?” Timmy grumbled. “It’s not that hard, we just have to crawl on our stomachs underneath. I’ll go first and you guys follow where I go.” Michael ordered. It was slow going, first Michael had to find the best way through and then we had to follow single file behind. There really wasn’t enough room and we were all getting cuts and scratches from the thorns that really stung, it probably would have been easier to go around, but it made us feel like soldiers crawling under barbed wire which made it fun. Eventually we made it to the other side and were on our way again, just that much closer to our destination.
We were making good time, there was an expanse of pine trees that grew in the forest and did provide much opposition to our trip. The dead pine trees were a lot of fun too because we could just kick them and they we fall over which made us feel like martial arts experts, it may have slowed us down but we didn’t care. Then we came upon a puddle about six feet wide with a log laying across it. “I dare you to walk across Steven” said Michael. Not being one to back down from a dare I carefully climbed onto the log and made my way across, it looked much hard than it was and I made it with ease. Not wanting to be shown up the rest of the gang was quick to follow and show that I wasn’t the only who could cross a log. Only slightly delayed we continued on our way.
We could tell we were getting close to the lake because the ground started to become soggy and we were sinking in as we walked, Timmy was having a difficult time maneuvering through it. “Timmy come on you’re slowing us down.” CJ called backed. “I can’t help it, my feet keep sinking in and I get stuck” he cried back. “Don’t put weight onto your foot until you’re sure the ground will support you, and make sure your shoe doesn’t come off or it’ll be full of mud for the rest of the day.” Tyler instructed him. With Tyler guiding Timmy we made I through the mud to where the cypress trees grew, the roots spread out and made the ground more supportive and we could walk more easily.
The water was coming into sight and I was looking for to relaxing and skipping some stones before heading back to the fort. “Everyone stop.” Michael called out. “What is it?” I asked. “ We’re almost there.” “There, laying on the shore, is that an alligator?” he replied. “ I can’t tell, it’s too far away to make out” I replied. We cautiously crept closer to what lay on the shore, we had all heard about how alligators can run really fast on land and we didn’t want to see if it was true. Once we got about ten yards away there was no doubt about it, it was an alligator and a big one, about ten or twelve feet long.. “What do we do?” I whispered. “That thing could eat us!” “Just calm down” Michael replied “It hasn’t seen us yet so we can just back away and it won’t even know we were here.” Slowly we began to make our way back the way we came, but someone was paying too much attention to the alligator and not where they were walking and stepped on a stick. In an instant the gator whirled around with its mouth open to face the noise. “RUN!!!” I’m not sure who yelled it but all of us listened. I don’t think I’ve ever run as fast as I did that day, we went so fast our feet didn’t even have time to sink in the mud. We ran by the puddle and the pine trees, too scared to even look back to see if we were being chased. I don’t even know how, but we got through the vines without even lying down, we made it back to the fort in five minutes flat when took us about forty-five minutes to make it there.
After we were done panting and catching our breath we were overcome by uncontrollable laughter. “HAHAHA, oh my god Steven, the look on you face was so funny!” Michael said. “I thought your eyes were going to pop out of your head!” “Oh yeah,” I replied. “Weren’t you the one screaming RUN! At the top of your lungs?” “That wasn’t me that wasn’t me, that was Timmy.” “Nuh-uh it wasn’t me” Timmy argued back. “Hey we were all running” Tyler said. “I don’t think any of us have any room to talk.” We all were overcome with laughter yet again, even though we had been running for our lives less than five minutes ago we couldn’t remember the last time we had so much fun.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Memoir rough draft
When I was younger I belonged to a very tight-knit group of kids from throughout my neighborhood and we would all hang out together and go exploring on weekends and during the summer. Michael, my older brother, always seemed to be in the lead of our little gang mainly due to the fact that he was the biggest, this is quite funny to look back at because now he is the smallest of those of us who are still in contact with one another. CJ was a very mischievous child, he always seemed to be in trouble for something and was definitely the bad apple of the group. Timothy, or Timmy as we called him was more sensitive to insults and the general ribbing that goes on between boys and so he always seemed to get mad at us and storm off home only to rejoin us the next day. Tyler was my best friend, short and scrawny but tough as nails, a stark contrast to the tall behemoth he has grown up to be, he always had a smile on his face and was up for an adventure. Then there was me, I was always along for our escapades but never really the leader, being less athletic than some of the others I seemed to shy away from the spotlight.
Being a group of adolescent we engaged in all the usual activities, racing bikes around the neighborhood, playing football, wrestling and what not, but from time to time we felt we needed to escape from our parents and go exploring in the woods adjacent to the neighborhood. It was not a very large expanse of land maybe 10 or 20 acres, but it was big enough for us. On a normal day we would hangout at a fort we had made at a tree that was inside a crater of clay, fighting with sticks and just being boys. We always had a great time and found so much fun in the fact that we thought we weren’t allowed to be there. My brother would always make up stories about how there was some crazy man who owned the property and told us about the time when the man had chased him with a shotgun and even though we all knew it was a lie we acted as if we believed him just to keep the sense of danger alive.
Usually we did not venture very far into the woods and kept close to the highway, but on occasion we would go deeper and sometimes make it all the way to the lake, and this was our destination on one particular Saturday. As usual we gathered at my house, sort of our de facto base of operations, we collected the necessary supplies(juice boxes, cracker, fruit snack, etc.) and were on our way. We hiked our way to the command post at the tree where we stopped to rest and partake in some of the snacks we had brought along. Once we were refreshed we set off into the woods in search of the lake, even though we had been there several times before we had no true path and usually just wandered in the general direction of where we wanted to go. As simple as this may sound it was no easy task, there were many treacherous obstacles along the way.
Our first obstruction was a mass of vines so thick that the only way to get through was to crawl on our bellies like soldiers, the sharp thorns scratching at our exposed arms and necks leaving a sharp stinging sensation, it was tough going but we forced our way through and made it to the other side. We were scratched up and a little bloody, but nothing could deter our mission. Next we came upon a large puddle about eight or nine feet wide with a log laying across it, sure we could have just walked around it but that would be no fun, so one by one we showed off our balancing skills by walking the log while keeping our feet dry. We were almost to our destination but the closer we came the harder it became, since the woods bordered a lakes the ground became more and more saturated with water the closer we came to the lake. We had to be very careful where we stepped, from time to time someone’s foot would sink into the mud and come back without a shoe, this was very unpleasant because after you retrieved your shoe you would have to spend the rest of the day with a wet foot.
Even after all the obstacles we were nearing our destination, we could just see the waterline just starting to appear from between the trees. As we drew closer to the lake we suddenly saw something on the shore, at first we thought is was just a log about ten feet long on the bank, but growing up in Florida we knew better than to assume a log was a log. We froze in our tracks, not sure if we had been scared by a harmless old piece of wood or if we might just be looking at a gator large enough to kill any one of us, slowly we crept forward to determine what it was. When we were about twenty feet from it one of the most frightening moments of my life occurred, the alligator suddenly turned and looked at us with its mouth wide open! That was enough for us and we ran away as fast as we possibly could, through the mud so fast we didn’t have time to sink, past the giant puddle, and somehow through the vines without even crawling on the ground, by the time we reached our tree fort we were bent over and panting for breathe. It took us about thirty or forty minutes and we had just made it back in less than five. After we caught our breathe we began to laugh and kid about the look on each others faces when we saw the gator and of course Michael had to tell us about the time he had seen one twice that size, of course he was with a friend of his none of us had ever heard of before.
Being a group of adolescent we engaged in all the usual activities, racing bikes around the neighborhood, playing football, wrestling and what not, but from time to time we felt we needed to escape from our parents and go exploring in the woods adjacent to the neighborhood. It was not a very large expanse of land maybe 10 or 20 acres, but it was big enough for us. On a normal day we would hangout at a fort we had made at a tree that was inside a crater of clay, fighting with sticks and just being boys. We always had a great time and found so much fun in the fact that we thought we weren’t allowed to be there. My brother would always make up stories about how there was some crazy man who owned the property and told us about the time when the man had chased him with a shotgun and even though we all knew it was a lie we acted as if we believed him just to keep the sense of danger alive.
Usually we did not venture very far into the woods and kept close to the highway, but on occasion we would go deeper and sometimes make it all the way to the lake, and this was our destination on one particular Saturday. As usual we gathered at my house, sort of our de facto base of operations, we collected the necessary supplies(juice boxes, cracker, fruit snack, etc.) and were on our way. We hiked our way to the command post at the tree where we stopped to rest and partake in some of the snacks we had brought along. Once we were refreshed we set off into the woods in search of the lake, even though we had been there several times before we had no true path and usually just wandered in the general direction of where we wanted to go. As simple as this may sound it was no easy task, there were many treacherous obstacles along the way.
Our first obstruction was a mass of vines so thick that the only way to get through was to crawl on our bellies like soldiers, the sharp thorns scratching at our exposed arms and necks leaving a sharp stinging sensation, it was tough going but we forced our way through and made it to the other side. We were scratched up and a little bloody, but nothing could deter our mission. Next we came upon a large puddle about eight or nine feet wide with a log laying across it, sure we could have just walked around it but that would be no fun, so one by one we showed off our balancing skills by walking the log while keeping our feet dry. We were almost to our destination but the closer we came the harder it became, since the woods bordered a lakes the ground became more and more saturated with water the closer we came to the lake. We had to be very careful where we stepped, from time to time someone’s foot would sink into the mud and come back without a shoe, this was very unpleasant because after you retrieved your shoe you would have to spend the rest of the day with a wet foot.
Even after all the obstacles we were nearing our destination, we could just see the waterline just starting to appear from between the trees. As we drew closer to the lake we suddenly saw something on the shore, at first we thought is was just a log about ten feet long on the bank, but growing up in Florida we knew better than to assume a log was a log. We froze in our tracks, not sure if we had been scared by a harmless old piece of wood or if we might just be looking at a gator large enough to kill any one of us, slowly we crept forward to determine what it was. When we were about twenty feet from it one of the most frightening moments of my life occurred, the alligator suddenly turned and looked at us with its mouth wide open! That was enough for us and we ran away as fast as we possibly could, through the mud so fast we didn’t have time to sink, past the giant puddle, and somehow through the vines without even crawling on the ground, by the time we reached our tree fort we were bent over and panting for breathe. It took us about thirty or forty minutes and we had just made it back in less than five. After we caught our breathe we began to laugh and kid about the look on each others faces when we saw the gator and of course Michael had to tell us about the time he had seen one twice that size, of course he was with a friend of his none of us had ever heard of before.
Memo
To: Professor Moody
From: Steven Vroman
Date: 9/15/09
RE: Peer Review
The peer review helped me to realize that while my opening paragraph was structurally sound and gave descriptions of the characters involved in my story, however, I did so in way that was bland and did not get the reader interested in the story very well. A way to fix this problem would be to incorporate a small anecdote at the beginning of the story that can both introduce the characters and keep readers interested, perhaps have us all playing a game of football together and describe who is playing at what position, sort of like player stats. I also realized that my story seems to be told from the third person and not as a first person point of view, I need to incorporate dialogue to give the reader a sense of being within the story, as it is now I seem to be telling the story as an observer instead of a character. I also need to relate more to the reader, incorporate some situation that most people have experienced and have some sort of opinion on and express my own opinion, this can give the reader more insight into who I am as a person and how they would feel about me were they to meet me in real life and give them for of an emotional attachment to the story. My story also requires some more action in order to give the feeling that it is moving somewhere, there is no point in knowing who the characters are if they aren’t doing anything, instead of simply stating my character’s attributes I should probably place them in a situation that displays who they are through their actions and words. I also need a little more detail in describing where my story takes place, this will give the reader as to where the characters in the story are and what is going on. The peer review also helped me because I got to read another writer’s style and reflect upon how it is different from m own, this helped me to see how others might perceive my writing style and how I can approve upon it, this peer review will help me to fix flaws in my writing and improve my memoir as a whole.
From: Steven Vroman
Date: 9/15/09
RE: Peer Review
The peer review helped me to realize that while my opening paragraph was structurally sound and gave descriptions of the characters involved in my story, however, I did so in way that was bland and did not get the reader interested in the story very well. A way to fix this problem would be to incorporate a small anecdote at the beginning of the story that can both introduce the characters and keep readers interested, perhaps have us all playing a game of football together and describe who is playing at what position, sort of like player stats. I also realized that my story seems to be told from the third person and not as a first person point of view, I need to incorporate dialogue to give the reader a sense of being within the story, as it is now I seem to be telling the story as an observer instead of a character. I also need to relate more to the reader, incorporate some situation that most people have experienced and have some sort of opinion on and express my own opinion, this can give the reader more insight into who I am as a person and how they would feel about me were they to meet me in real life and give them for of an emotional attachment to the story. My story also requires some more action in order to give the feeling that it is moving somewhere, there is no point in knowing who the characters are if they aren’t doing anything, instead of simply stating my character’s attributes I should probably place them in a situation that displays who they are through their actions and words. I also need a little more detail in describing where my story takes place, this will give the reader as to where the characters in the story are and what is going on. The peer review also helped me because I got to read another writer’s style and reflect upon how it is different from m own, this helped me to see how others might perceive my writing style and how I can approve upon it, this peer review will help me to fix flaws in my writing and improve my memoir as a whole.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Memoir First Paragraph
When I was younger I belonged to a very tight-knit group of kids from throughout my neighborhood and we would all hang out together and go exploring on weekends and during the summer. Michael, my older brother, always seemed to be in the lead of our little gang mainly due to the fact that he was the biggest, this is quite funny to look back at because now he is the smallest of those of us who are still in contact with one another. CJ was a very mischievous child, he always seemed to be in trouble for something and was definitely the bad apple of the group. Timothy, or Timmy as we called him was more sensitive to insults and the general ribbing that goes on between boys and so he always seemed to get mad at us and storm off home only to rejoin us the next day. Tyler was my best friend, short and scrawny but tough as nails a stark contrast to the tall behemoth he has grown up to be, he always had a smile on his face and was up for an adventure. Then there was me, I was always along for our escapades but never really the leader, being less athletic than some of the others I seemed to shy away from the spotlight.
Memoir Brain Storming
Group of friends:
Michael: leader, biggest
CJ: always in trouble
Timmy: easily upset, mad at us a lot
Tyler: best friend, small, always full of energy
Me: always follower never leader, less athletic than some of the others
Michael: leader, biggest
CJ: always in trouble
Timmy: easily upset, mad at us a lot
Tyler: best friend, small, always full of energy
Me: always follower never leader, less athletic than some of the others
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Memoir Invention
Clinton Scandal, Bush v. Gore missing votes, 9/11, Statue of Saddam being torn down, not finding WMDs.
Being sick at grandma’s house and watching the Iraqi people tear down a statue of Saddam Hussein with the help of U.S soldiers.
This event helped me see how the Iraqi people did not like Saddam Hussein and viewed the American soldiers as liberators.
Being at school and having our teacher tell us about how terrorists had hijacked plane and crashed them into the twin towers and the pentagon.
Showed me that the world is not as nice or safe as I had once thought it was, also how a nation can come together to support one another after a terrible tragedy.
Walking through the woods with my friends and finding an alligator.
Showed me how sometimes its fun to be scared and that things seem more fun than scary later on.
Being sick at grandma’s house and watching the Iraqi people tear down a statue of Saddam Hussein with the help of U.S soldiers.
This event helped me see how the Iraqi people did not like Saddam Hussein and viewed the American soldiers as liberators.
Being at school and having our teacher tell us about how terrorists had hijacked plane and crashed them into the twin towers and the pentagon.
Showed me that the world is not as nice or safe as I had once thought it was, also how a nation can come together to support one another after a terrible tragedy.
Walking through the woods with my friends and finding an alligator.
Showed me how sometimes its fun to be scared and that things seem more fun than scary later on.
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